Scene #1 - My Homey Einstein

(A title card comes up: "After another dismal season of terrible programming, we here at the WB Television Network are proud to present the very last idea we've got.")
Lavon (v.o.) -
     He was the smartest man alive.
     When he died in 1955.
     But now he's back and doing good.
     He lives with me and mama in the hood.
     He's phat, he's dope and he's all mine.
     He's my homey, yeah, my homey Einstein. Ai-i-te!
(The title card comes up: My Homey Einstein. In the background Einstein and Lavon are back to back doing that "hugging myself" arm thing)
Announcer (v.o.) - This week's episode: Einstein Is Da A-Bomb
(The set is a cliched sitcom set with the couch in the middle and the door to the kitchen off to the right. Einstein sits on the couch looking around as Lavon walks in with a girl on his arm)
Lavon - So, Lanicha, this is my living room, but it ain't that cool. I'm sure you be wanting to see my bedroom. `at's right. Yeah. (The audience hoots and hollers)
Lanicha - Oh, Lavon. You got it goin' on, baby. You might just get to first base tonight.
Lavon - Girl, I gonna be getting around all the bases two or three times. I'm the home run king, and you be going out of the park.
Lanicha - You so crazy, Levon. Why you gotta be talking like that? (She sees Einstein sitting on the couch) Yo, Levon. Who's that white dude sitting on your couch?
Lavon - What? Oh, baby. That's just my homey Einstein. He's totally dope. What's happening, Einstein? What you doing?
Einstein - I was sitting here, and I came up with a brilliant idea. If you take the speed of sound, and multiply it by the velocity of the shock wave, you get an equation which proves that sound travels at a greater rate when in a vacuum.
Lavon - No, no, no. Einstein, I be asking you what's up, not what you been thinking. I don't care what you thinking, bro. Besides, didn't you have a date tonight? I hooked you up with Lawanda. Where she be?
Einstein - Ms. Budden attempted to coerce me into taking an illegal narcotic. I was able to determine the chemical structure of the fine powder, and came to the conclusion that it was not saccharin after all, but instead low-grade cocaine.
Lavon - Boy, she was just trying to get you to loosen up. You too proper, Einstein You gots to get some new threads and cut your hair. Hey, by the way, how's my homework coming? Did you finish it yet?
Einstein - I completed your assignments in less than ten minutes. I can't believe that single digit calculus is taught in higher education. I learned that in grade school.
Lanicha - Lavon, I kinda wanna teach you what I learned in grade school. You wanna come see it?
Lavon - Oh, you be fine, girl. I'll be up in just one minute. (She runs upstairs) Einstein, you having trouble fitting in, ain't you?
Einstein - (tearing up) I don't know what I'm doing here. I thought I died fifty years ago. What is going on?
Lavon - Einstein, I don't know why you be sad. You got good food here. You got a warm bed. And most importantly, you got a homey. True dat. (The audience awwwwws as Lavon holds out his hand in a fist. Einstein looks at it then looks up at Lavon)
Einstein - You are so right. All this time, I have been feeling sorry for myself, and also not understanding how I got here, when all that matters is that I have a homey. I'm glad to be your homey. And I have equations to prove it.
Lanicha (v.o.) - Lavon! I can't stay in this position forever. I get back spasms!
Lavon - I don't needs to see them equations, bro. I got something else I gotta do. But hey, don't forget to clean the bathroom before momma gets home.
Einstein - You know, your momma is so fat, that she's more atomic than the bomb which shares the same name.
Lavon - Word up, Einstein. You my homey. (Lavon flashes a gang signal and walks upstairs)
Einstein - (pulls out a gun) Well, I guess I had better clean my piece. It gets so dirty whenever I cap someone. (Einstein walks out of the room)